Worn out. It’s hard to keep a smile on my face when everything that I want is so far. It’s not unreachable but the way is too long and exhausting. Tired. I don’t feel anything: deaf laughs, faded rainbows, tasteless foods, insipid drinks. Nothing seems to be enough and I’ve reached the point in which I don’t know what to do. Shall I keep on waiting? Waiting for what? For what I want? For what I need? What for?  If the journey is not pleasant…

I’ve promised myself to keep a cheerful life, to enjoy everything and live like the happy child I once was. Exhausted. Do I still have energy to keep on playing? Sometimes I do not. And today is one of those days. I think I can’t stand it anymore. Patience, I ask myself for patience. I push myself to a path where I don’t want to be only because I have this idea in my mind that the day will finally come. The day in which I won’t have to walk anymore but just enjoy the final point. Dishearten. I’m struggling to stay in place where I don’t want to be, a place that has nothing to offer to me. I can't think, I can't concentrate, I can't sleep, I can't wait. I try to stay calm but sometimes I simply can't. I should summon up my patience. The problem is that the anxiety grows with every single picture that I see, every blog that I read, every memory that I have.

Jaded. I want to be somewhere else, in a place where I don't know anybody and nobody knows my name. Even though it implies starting from the scratch. To some point, that's what pushes this entire desire, the idea of being a new person, of giving birth to something new, of creating future. Patient... I have to remind myself to be patient. 

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Doppelgänger es el vocablo alemán para el doble fantasmagórico de una persona viva. La palabra proviene de doppel, que significa "doble", y gänger, traducida como "andante". ¿Por qué me considero una doppelgänger? Porque soy gemela. A menudo me siento un personaje imaginario que interactúa con su doble y juega con el fenómeno de la bilocación y la continuidad espacio-temporal. No existe una dependencia completa, pero el haber sido un sólo cigoto que se dividió para dar lugar a dos, nos define inevitablemente como una parte del todo, es decir, mitades.