Worn out. It’s hard to keep a smile on my face when everything that I want is so far. It’s not unreachable but the way is too long and exhausting. Tired. I don’t feel anything: deaf laughs, faded rainbows, tasteless foods, insipid drinks. Nothing seems to be enough and I’ve reached the point in which I don’t know what to do. Shall I keep on waiting? Waiting for what? For what I want? For what I need? What for? If the journey is not pleasant…
I’ve promised myself to keep a cheerful life, to enjoy everything and live like the happy child I once was. Exhausted. Do I still have energy to keep on playing? Sometimes I do not. And today is one of those days. I think I can’t stand it anymore. Patience, I ask myself for patience. I push myself to a path where I don’t want to be only because I have this idea in my mind that the day will finally come. The day in which I won’t have to walk anymore but just enjoy the final point. Dishearten. I’m struggling to stay in place where I don’t want to be, a place that has nothing to offer to me. I can't think, I can't concentrate, I can't sleep, I can't wait. I try to stay calm but sometimes I simply can't. I should summon up my patience. The problem is that the anxiety grows with every single picture that I see, every blog that I read, every memory that I have.
Jaded. I want to be somewhere else, in a place where I don't know anybody and nobody knows my name. Even though it implies starting from the scratch. To some point, that's what pushes this entire desire, the idea of being a new person, of giving birth to something new, of creating future. Patient... I have to remind myself to be patient.
